The desire to like makes it dependent on opinion; the desire to be loved from him frees. Anna Louise Gesman
I have not liked to walk in the system since childhood. When our 1 “A” went on an excursion, a teacher with a sign was ahead, and behind her a steam system – a little steam – girl, I walked on the side. “Get into operation, take the Gena by the hand” – the teacher tugged at me every now and then.
But I, taking Gena for a look by the handle, as soon as the teacher turned away, she lagged behind the noise again. I walked from behind, caught the raven and pretended that the string of obedient first -graders walking in front does not concern me, I have no idea and I have no idea who they are who they are. I am on my own.
Today we’ll talk about what someone else’s opinion is and how, given it, to remain all the same.
“Well, what a single -handed man,” my first boss said after many years, ““ It is not so accepted for us. If you work here, you must take into account someone else’s opinion “. That is, to have your opinion is not welcome. All our lives we are constantly belonging to some kind of community. In childhood, this is a school, in his youth is an institute, and when we grow up … well, how it turns out there. Therefore, we always have to reckon with the opinions of people around, with a member.
Count – yes. But not put at all the forefront. It is very easy to fall dependent on someone else’s opinion. You need to live like everyone else. It’s simple.
Not just to be yourself.
What people say
“What people say” – this phrase always infuriated me. If there are people who have nothing to do, who simply have few interesting things in their lives, and they prefer to delve into a stranger, then why should I be interested in what they will say.
There are quite a lot of such people. I understood this when my mother began to bother with the calls of “friends” and acquaintances about my personal life. You see, it seemed to them that this person did not suit me. And they decided to notify my mother about it. Let him know that people do not approve of the choice of her daughter. Yes, I am ready to listen to the opinions of others, yes, I am ready to listen to it if it is really worthwhile. But I’m not ready to focus on him. If you are a modern, beautiful, self -sufficient and smart girl, you live a full life, you enjoy it, then someone will definitely not like it.
For example, aunt Masha, a second cousin of a cousin, or a neighbor aunt Grushe, who will definitely express his indignation on you in an elevator. If you, for example, meet “not with that”, or did not marry in time, or changed your job, or put on something bright, or said something wrong and not there. Then someone else’s opinion in the person of someone will definitely “flanch” you with a wave of disapproval. It seems to me that it is impossible. Either it worries you or not.
But why someone else’s opinion plays such a big role in the lives of many people? And the reasons for that is.
Causes of dependence on someone else’s opinion
* Vestiges of the past
To smooth out the influence of the Soviet past, it will take a lot of time. After all, it only recently became the past. In that past, everyone was comrades, not men and women. All were equal, in any sense of the word. Of course it’s easier. All are the same and there is no need to think about anything. They will think for you and say what you do.
Excitement from the brochure:
Here’s what pressure.
Of course, in this situation, the opinion of others should have been your opinion. I especially liked 9 and 12 commandments. What can I say, if according to my mother’s stories, the teacher could send you to pull the varnish from the nails with their scissors, or call your parents to school so that they have acted by your moral education only because you came in Seryozha. Therefore, aunt loving from the neighboring department, who was a communist – an activist in Soviet times, considers it his direct duty to notify you that you are not the way you live. Why are you not married yet? Conclusions: for some reason it was believed that in Soviet times everyone was completely educated, cultural, erudite and were the most reading nation. And all thanks to communism. Well then, where did the bandits, prostitutes and other immoral personalities come from during perestroika? Of the same Soviet people who have been restrained by the party eye for many years? Maybe it was too much restrained in people an individuality, which, after a taboo, acquired such a form.
Well, even if you don’t take extremes. Anyway, prohibitions and drives of oneself in a tough framework will not lead to anything good. All people are different. And this must be understood.
* Fear not to be like everyone else
“I was the most beautiful,” my mother said, coming from a corporate party. I just teach her not to depend on someone else’s opinion.
“Well, how will I go in a green dress! Everyone bought black. This is a thematic evening. Everyone will be in black, and I’m in green? “She lamented the day before. “Yes, everyone will be the same, and you are in an awesome green dress,” I tried to reassure.
In the end – without finding a suitable black one, she went in what was. And she won. The public was envious delight. Being a white crow is not easy. To do this, you need to be confident in yourself.
How is it in the song: it is no better to modestly lie down to the bottom among gloomy deep -sea fish with a poisoned tail? After all, gold lies at the bottom in pirate holds, and a meaningless plankton floats on top.
This song was sang at the graduation at the institute my diploma leader. I liked her very much. You can always mix with plankton and not stand out. But you can sail to your star, that is, to a dream, unless of course it is. Conclusions: it’s very easy to live on the principle – both everyone and me. Everyone gets married and you go out. Everyone gives birth and you give birth. Everyone is silent and you are silent. Why stand out if you can be like everyone else. After all, then you will have to think what you want from life. Will have to decide what to do. And it will no longer be possible to drop his responsibility to anyone.
However, if there were recipes that can be used in life so that life was tasty and nutritious, they would all use them and live the same way, equally good about. But, no one has invented such a recipe yet. Because in conditions of a rapidly changing external environment, each should have their own recipe.
By the way, in our time it is often not so difficult to be not like everyone else. Sometimes it’s enough just to be an intelligent girl and not use obscene words in speech. Believe me, you can stand out unnoticed by yourself.
* The need to make sure of your rightness
Because of self -doubt, at their point of view, people often need confirmation of their rightness. Therefore, women are so often customary to share with each other. Well, who else can understand you, except for a friend, neighbor, colleague, in general, woman. It happens, tell me something, you look into the eyes with a dumb question, and she – yes, I had the same. And like a mountain from the shoulders. So I’m not the only one. Otherwise, sit and suffer – you did it right or not.
No, of course, the advice is sometimes needed. But the advice of a person is really important and close. You can listen and take into account the opinions of others. But you should not be guided often. It is not a fact that your hands will not be angry behind your back. Yes, it’s not even the point.
Just often another person cannot know what is happening in your life. Not everyone has the gift of empathy and can feel your experiences, like your own. Even the same situation at first glance can be completely different, because it occurred in the life of different people. For example, you will not complain to a married girlfriend, how hard it is to get a relationship with a married man. Of course, she will twist at the temple and say that you indeed tore this relationship and everything will work out. A survey on the Internet showed that 38% of people believe that for them someone else’s opinion is still important, 15% replied that for them someone else’s opinion did not matter at all, and 47% replied that they take into account the opinion of one – two of the present loved ones. If, nevertheless, dependence on someone else’s opinion prevents you from living, then just think about some questions. Perhaps this is not a fear of making something wrong. Perhaps these are complexes, or dislike of yourself. For example, think about the fact that on the very work, all the great personalities, interesting people were not like everyone else. Outstanding – this word in itself implies the difference from others in their environment. Would Coco Chanel invent her little black dress, if at a time when the ladies pulled into corsets and wore lush skirts, would not have dressed pants once? Would she have to imitate millions and recognize her as a brilliant designer? Maybe if Merlin Monroe thought that they would say about her, no one would ever know about her. And if Bridget Bardo did not tell her parents that she wanted to try herself in the ballet, she would not have hit the cover of a magazine, which later did not bring her to the first film tests. And Faina Ranevskaya is generally a complete antipode of public opinion. She just spat on him from the height of her talent.
Of our contemporaries: Madonna, Pink, Julia Roberts Scarlet Johanson … You can list for a very long time. So, the opinion of society is important, but its opinion is more important. You just need to be yourself and love yourself. And of course, two close people, whose opinion is everything to us is important.
And do not forget – if they say about you, then you are popular!